I'm over feeling sorry for myself ;)  I'm not quite sure what was up.  Well, I do know.  I was/am feeling like my boys don't really need me any more.  They are just starting to grow up.  We are moving into a totally new stage in our lives and parenting is getting more and more difficult.  TEENAGERS and PRETEENS (need I say more?)  Seriously, it is like being a  mom to aliens.  I am afraid for myself and for them.

Steve is a WONDERFUL father.  I am envious of his patience with them.  I need to learn more from him.  I let the boys attitudes and yelling and eye rolling and mood swings and hormones and selfishness and entitlement and.....get the best of me.  I just do not now how to do it!  The other day, I had to go to my bedroom and lock the door, turn the T.V. really loud.  I found myself loosing every ounce of patience I had.  I did not want to hear another kid tattle or wine or tease or cry.  One would think that all of these things would have been a symptom of toddlerhood but NO it is an on going struggle in our home and they do it LOUDER.

I see another issue I am having is the fact that I do not have many friends that are in this same stage of life.  I do not have many girl friends to compare my struggles with.  I wish my sisters-in-law were closer so I could WATCH how they Parent.  I especially wish Jeneal was closer because she has 3 teenage boys.

I am coming to understand that I need to be physically involved with the "Boy Stuff" that they enjoy.  By boy stuff I mean shooting guns, camping and hiking.  I also need to go and not be such a bossy mom.  I kinda freak out a bit about safety, cleanliness and what I deem appropriate behavior.  In the past, I have let Steve take the boys and do that stuff.  I love the peace and quiet.  When they were all little I used that time to clean the house.  Now, I realize that I need to go with them and CHILL OUT so they enjoy having me there.

Enough rambling.