(this is REALLY rambley, bare with me and it will not be grammatically correct- mostly because my mind does not think grammatically correct)
Being a step mom is hard. Being a step mom is awkward. I have always said that the situation of being a step mom to Burkeley is the best of any step family situation. When I married Steve, Burke was just a few months old. I knew when we started dating that he had a son. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be difficult. Burke's mom has always been so great to "work" with. She has never denied us visitation rights nor has she discouraged relationships. We all get along great. No, we are not best friends. We have just made it work. Plus Burke is a GREAT kid.
Last night we attended Berkeley's Seminary Graduation! What an awesome accomplishment!!! I say this coming from the perspective that I did not graduated from LDS seminary. Thats a totally different story...Anyway, we were very proud parents. But, in all reality, we had nothing to do with the fact that he graduated from seminary. In a few days we will attend is High School Graduation. And, once again, we really didnt have much to do with the fact that he is graduating from High School (yes, I did graduate from H.S.) I felt awkward at the graduation. I felt like a by-standard instead of a parent. We were not there on a daily basis to ask him all the right questions at all the tough times. We were not there when he was sick and needed his back rubbed. We were not there on the days he wanted to cry when life got really hard. Nor were we there to celebrate when he got an A on a quiz or earned a smiley face on a spelling test.. It was weird for me to be there. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be there. I just felt out of place.
I really tried hard to be involved with Burke as he grew up. He came to our house a bunch, I wanted to make sure we were doing everything we could to have him grow up and know that we love him. Burke is a lot like Steve...quiet and stubborn. He will not volunteer any information. And we just didn't have much control over ANYTHING. We just had distant input. So, as he was growing up I just tried to make sure Steve called his elementary teachers and that we checked his grades on power school. We didnt make the decisions about what time he needed to be home on school nights, We didn't send him to his room when he had an attitude. Lets just put it this way...we didn't do that hard parenting stuff.
So, when it comes to celebrating these milestones it is just weird. I felt weird. I even leaned over to Steve and asked him if he felt weird. He said "We have been doing this for HOW many years???" We didn't say a word to his mom or his step dad. Yes, we did smile. After the ceremony Burke would come visit with us in our little family circle and then go over to his mom's family circle then back again to ours. Plus a few visits with his girlfriend. I felt like an invader to their proud moment.
Being his step mom has been interesting. I wanted us to be involved in EVERY choice, decision and activity that Burke made and did. It took me a long while to realize that this was just not feasible. I had this dream that we would co-parent Burke. Honestly what was I thinking... Parenting a child is hard with two different parenting styles but add in two step parents and it makes the non custodial parents almost out of the picture when it comes to decisions. I had to realize that I was not in control of anything. I could give say my two cents to Steve and then he had to do what he wanted with it. I had to take a step back and just be me. Not the MOM or even the step mom. I had to take myself and the role I thought I needed to play, out of the equation.
Maybe that is why I felt so uncomfortable last night.
